just me

There are times when you never thought something could happen, but still it did. Something that you never expected to come so soon, so fast that just in a blink of eyes it had happened. I woke up this morning to find nothing but usual. It was just another ordinary days, until I heard the news.A friend’s uncle passed away.

He was a Korean and married to my friend’s aunt. Long story short, he was sick. Slowly he became very thin and ate so little, but he was still like usual. He and his wife decided to go back to Korea for around a month since last month. I still remembered the day before they left, I worked overtime in their house and stayed until almost 10. I remembered seeing my friend went to talk to him. He told her, he might not be able to come back again but who knows that it was true. I also remembered seeing his wife cried.

While they were in Korea, my friend told me that her uncle has gotten better. He ate a lot, maybe because he missed the food there and was more energetic than usual. It was around two weeks ago or so. Everything went as usual, until I heard that he had passed away this morning. It was unbelievably fast, that I was so speechless. It took me a while to realize that I would never get a chance to see him again.

I remembered once when I was eating, he poured me a cup of water, when he and his son were sick and I drove a car (the first time I drove someone else’s car) to the doctor. Sometimes when I went to the toilet, I could find him laying on the sofa. But moments ago, when I went to the toilet and walked passing the sofa, it felt so empty. I knew I wouldn’t find him laying there anymore.

It’s just too sad. We didn’t spend much time together, but I knew that he is such a great man. There was a time when auntie ranted to me about how she couldn’t go anywhere because she couldn’t drive. He heard that, then told her that she must never drive by herself. Sometimes when he walked with his wife, he would hold her hand very tight.

At the end…it’s only memories that are left. Although I only had some times with him, I will definitely miss him a lot. May you rest in peace, uncle. And thank you for the memories.

There is a friend of mine. A girl friend, which happens to be gay. That gay, where one person loves the person of the same sex. Yes, that one. I don’t know since when she started like girls, but somehow I knew that a part of her is different. When she said she’s gay, my other friends and I weren’t surprised. She is a friend, even if she’s gay.

There’s a girl she likes. She used to be close to my friends and I, but then something bad happened and everything went absurd. We hate her, but my friend is still keeping faith on her. No matter how hard we told our friend that she doesn’t deserve her, she wouldn’t care. It’s like there’s only one person left on earth.

Once, I asked her if it doesn’t hurt to love someone that way. She treats her bad and uses her. My friend just smiled. She told me it was no problem for her at all. She loves her and that’s all that matters. I practically went 0.0 at her words. Yes, I’ve been in love before but there’s none compared to her faith. It is like she believes that her life is dedicated to her only. So I asked her when she will stop loving her. And she said, she doesn’t know either. All she knew, she would stay by her side until she has someone to accompany her (maybe she means if she’s married or something like that). And again, I went 0.0

I just don’t know how to say this, but to love someone that way is something really hard to do. She must really love her very much that she could say those words. It’s hard enough for her to accept the fate that she is different, plus she has to admit the fact that it’s not easy to find someone that feels the same.

I remember a phrase Madonna said in one magazine :“To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don’t want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.“

For all people out there, stay strong. And I wish your love life goes well!

PS : you can always pay me a visit @ www.thegothicpink.blogspot.com

XOXO

So me, J, Con, nd Pay went out together because I’m feeling so stress lately and we got to this topic. Friend and love.

Me, J, nd Con said " Friends are nonsense. Money is more important" while Pay disagreed.
Well…the proof is you will never have somebody without money. What
are you going to do if both you and your friend have no money? Sit at
home everyday, watching each other’s face? NO WAY!
The same thing goes to love. You think love will feed you and your
couple/spouse? Absolutely not. I-love-u and u-love-me can’t satisfy
your appetite realize it or not. Don’t believe that "when we’re hungry,
love will keep us alive" lyrics. Nonsense! BIG one.

At the end…it’s money that matters. Don’t say I’m materialistic. This
is a fact. Even if you don’t admit it, I know everyone’s top list looks
like this :
1. MONEY
2. MONEY
3. MONEY
4. money
5.money
6.money
7.money
8.money
9.money
10.money
11. friend/love/other things ( fill in the blanks………………….)
in some extension, family comes first.

An extra :
Friends are nonsense. There’s nothing called BFF (Best Friend
Forever). You know even if you are FRIENDS for 10 years or 20 years,
your best friend will still betray you.
And what’s worse is your best friend’s BOYFRIEND who will do anything
to separate you from your friend. Nah…I’m not being a devil here. I’m
just telling what I feel.
And you always know, family never betrays you. Well, if you are not
named Cinderella and you have two stepsisters and one stepmother.

A hard decision was made yesterday night.
I let go of something I’ve been keeping for a long time.
Someone actually…

A person that I love.
A person that I care of.
A person that I run to.
A person that I share with.

But also a person who hurts me.
A person who never care of me.
A person who uses me.
A person who hurts my friends.

There were no tears
I’ve been crying too much all these times.
Funny…
I have to lose even before I own.

Anyway…
Thx for J, 244, Lala, nd Long for supporting me all these times.
I know you hate that person very much.
That you will also hate me if I’m back.
No, I won’t.
I promise this time is the last goodbye.

Everything in this world doesn’t come for free.Not even something ppl say as "friendship".
Trust me, there’s no such thing.

So there’s someone i consider as friend (or maybe called as ex-friend now). Being a good (or maybe stupid) friend, i helped her with all her works and stuffs. After they were done, i was dumped like a trash.
She even acted like i’m invisible!!
Even morons can see that. Obviously.

That’s not over yet. She even cut off my dancing job!! Telling me the trainer didn’t pick me to join the next performance and bla bla bla.
Tell you wad, the trainer never picks dancers. You guys pick the dancers yourselves.
Sometimes i’m so fed up of this dancing stuffs full of lies. You got relatives in the head positions, you have parts in the show. If you’re not, then be happy being a substitute.
I mean, seriously!
The whole stabbing-your-own-friend’s-back IS really happening in the real entertainment world, not just in movies and stories.

So how do you want me to trust anymore?

I got a news today, telling me that I will spend one week in Bali with my
family. BALI!! Right before the performance in Jakarta! I asked for permission
and I can go to Bali if I join the dance practise without any absent before
going to Bali. This is Bali I’m talking about!

Thinking I’m in highest point? No, I’m not. I’m in the vice
versa point. I don’t feel anything at all. I’m totally numb. Seems like I’ve
lost my humanly sense. So numb. The only thing that remains is pain. Like a big
sharp knife stabbing my core of life. Thank you for making me this way. Are you
happy now?

I can’t get you out of my mind, not even for a moment!! The
memories are spinning like a movie in my head, projecting every single time I
had with you. I remembered it was Chinese New Year when I managed your meeting
with your steady before noon. After that we met and spent times together until
night. With the others. But that was something I can’t forget. Those times were
still as fresh as the first dew. I remember, very clearly, you held me tight in
the car. I put my head on your shoulder, listening to Blackie (Rest In Peace,
little thing). Back to that time, my feeling wasn’t as strong as now, but I can
feel happiness. So much heaven. Especially when the others said we really look
like couple. I don’t even care there is someone by your side!
How long has the time pasts since the last time I see you? I don’t even want to
know. I just want you here with me. Do I really need to kill you to make you
stay with me forever?? You still have a long way to go and I don’t want to mess
things up by ending your life. So please, don’t treat me this way. I’ve had
almost enough. Just in a moment, I’ll reach my maximum point. Just in a while…

And now I’m crying again. I don’t know how much tears I’ve
cried until now. I don’t know how much tears I’ll cry until you come back. I’m
like a automatic water tap by now. Every thing reminds me of you make me cry. Every
thing I do makes me think of you. That every song I hear reminds me of you.
I’ve just realize, how much I need you.
Why after you left, I just realize how
much I love you?
After you left, the whole world stops.
I don’t care being a fool.
As long as you understand, there’s only you in my heart.
So much for someone who doesn’t even care of me…I’ve given too much. Though you
hurt me this bad, I still want to treat you kind. You see, I sacrifice so much
just for you. Everything. And you don’t even care. That every single tear
fallen down from me worths nothing for you. After all things I’ve done. I
really have given more than enough. Just four simple words I need from you and
you can’t even afford it! Just a ‘i-love-you-too’.
That simple. And I’ll step back, knowing that my sacrifices worth something.

There is a person i considered as a brother. For some times, i find a place to share my happiness and problem.

But now he’s not anymore…

He’d been acting quite strange. The peak is last Sunday when he sent me message and said that it was his last message for me and that he won’t find me anymore.

Damn!
He treated me so nice for this whole time and he suddenly said he won’t find me anymore. What attitude is that?!
He acted so strange for the whole week. He asked me to be his girlfriend, then cancelled it before i replied. Then he asked me again and cancelled it again.

He’s telling me he doesn’t want a contact with me anymore, then that’s fine.
It’s better to lose someone not supporting me.

Hope you are happy now.
And if one day you regret, blame me not.

They say i look like him.

Do i really look like him?
No, he’s not my Angel. He’s an unreachable person i have in mind.

Anyway, a lot ppl say i look like a lot of OTHER ppl.
I look like my sists (common thing…), i look like my ex classmates (please…my classmates were  BOYs), and now they say i look like Cindie.
Cindie is the guy in the pic.

The last thing i need is ppl telling me my face look like a boy, even if the boy is someone pretty like Cindie.
Please…

At least i’ still proud to be one of these girls.

*happiness*

I deleted my old blog and created a new one. Because i am now a new person.
Call me egoist, call me crazy, call me whatever, i don’t care. I am not what you are talking about.

This happens because i have someone.
A person who brighten up my life again.
A person who accompany me during the lowest points.
A person who cares for me.
A person who has the same interests.
A person of my kind.

We are both devils.
Devils fallen from above.
For so many reasons, people just can’t accept devils no matter how. I chose to be a devil to be with him. While angels have a lot of love to give, devils devoted their life only for the one they love.
Everyone curse him as a devil, but for me, he’s my only angel. As he says, devil can be an angel only for the one he loves.